Reality Check

What You See: A girl who is goofy, relaxed, comfortable in her own skin. Also, who is that guy in the corner??

Reality Check: It was the summer after my semester abroad and I was working on a farm in Santa Cruz. I took a weekend trip to San Francisco to visit one of my best friends from Bucknell. He is like a big brother to me and never holds back on the truth. My eating disorder had gotten really bad and he immediately expressed his concern - he was the first person to really focus on my health and not just comment, "wow, you look amazing." This hit me like a ton of bricks at the time, but I am forever grateful for that moment and my amazing friend. Love you Rade.

What You See: Wow, Lilly is really living it up abroad. She is having so much fun and that scenery is UNREAL.

Reality Check: This was one of the worst mental health days of my life. I had a really bad falling out with the girl next to me and had insanely low self worth. I blamed myself for the falling out and felt incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. I look back and regret not being present in such a beautiful place, but I also look at this picture often to remember how far I have come. I NEVER engage in negative self talk anymore or blame myself for things that "go wrong" in relationships - I recognize that thoughts become my reality and I refuse not to be where my feet are.

What You See: Aww the cutest roomies! They look like they are having the best time.

Reality Check: I LOVE these women. They are truly some of the most authentic, kind, honest, and grounded humans that have ever entered my life. I am infinitely grateful for them and our time living together senior year. This night was truly hilarious, included a Halloweentown movie marathon, and TONS of scented candles. It really is a reflection of our lil family, but it goes deeper. My friend taking the picture completely changed my life, got me back into ED recovery, and was so kind and patient despite that I was isolating myself. I don't know what I did to deserve y'all. Love you endlessly Sarah, Annie, and Jess.

What You See: College! Boys! Fun! Yay!

Reality Check: Lolll. I was so insecure. Freshman year orientation and I was doing the most. I cared so much about "being cool" and started hooking up with the guy in the navy jacket immediately and literally had the lowest self esteem. Freshman and Sophomore year my worth was completely tied to who I was "talking to" - big yikes.

What You See: AWW (: but who the f*** is that?

Reality Check: Reunited with my first/best friend after 10 years of not seeing each other. Let's just say after time apart, something hit a little different (: I would say I was nervous. but it is impossible to be self conscious with someone who makes me so comfortable to be myself.

Okay, what you see here IS what you get. I am so ridiculously happy and grateful to be where I am. Physically, mentally, socially, career-wise. I have never felt so much like myself and surrounded by so much love. I know rough patches will come and go, but I am making the decision to focus on the JOY.