Kitchen Cabinet

I was watching an Oprah interview the other day because 1) Oprah's Super Soul gives me life and 2) I stand by the sentiment that she is one of the wisest & most inspiring people on the planet.

When Oprah was asked how she navigates the delicate balance of ignoring mean-spirited comments while remaining open to constructive feedback, she stated that she relies on her "kitchen cabinet" - her trusted inner circle comprised of people who are unafraid of providing unfiltered honesty while having her absolute best interest at heart.

This got me thinking about my own kitchen cabinet and how in the past, I invested in people who, perhaps, were unable to hold space for my shame story - the moment or moments in time when I allowed feelings of unworthiness to seep in.

In the words of Brené Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection),:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending—to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. And I will choose how the story ends."

These profound words brought me to a question I ask myself daily when I am determining who should join my cabinet or whether or not someone should stay:

Are you worthy of receiving and holding space for my shame story?

It is my personal opinion that many of us are born open, emphatic, and trusting. It is only when our trust is betrayed that we abandon ourselves to make others feel more comfortable. The result may be that we numb out - perfectionism, substances, and isolation just to name a common few - to protect ourselves from future hurt. The reality is that rather than protecting us, these methods dim our light and inhibit our abilities to end the cycle of disappointment.

Guess what? Our life experiences and shame are valid. It is ultimately up to us to choose enthusiastic curiosity over shutting down as a form of protection.

Here are just a few reminders when it comes to practicing curiosity:

1. Strong people know failure. We have failed and will continue to fail, but it is in our power to commit to making necessary changes, apologize when appropriate, and grow from the experience. We are not our mistakes.

2. It is ultimately up to us to own our demons and explore what’s in the proverbial closet.

3. We can choose how our lives play out EVERY DAY by determining what is in and out of our control (our cabinet being one).

I am speaking from personal experience here, but the more we practice coming home to ourselves, owning our missteps, and outing our fears, the more we tend to attract meaningful relationships with people who can hold space.

This post may seem a bit preachy, and for that I apologize, but I will always stand by the fact that we deserve the best of the best when it comes to our kitchen cabinets. Quality over quantity ALWAYS (fyi I am super tempted to make a pantry joke).

To my people, I truly view our relationship as a gift. Thank you for telling me the hard truth, empowering me to own my story, and for giving me the courage to choose how it ends.