It's Not About You

Are they mad at me?

What did I do wrong?

How could I say that?

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.

.

Catch what's wrong with these questions? They all are self-focused reflections of a situation that more than likely have nothing to do with you.

Let me be the first to admit I am a total and complete hypocrite. I am the queen reading into every little body language cue or tone of voice and assuming the worst - we are talking self-induced episodes of panic because of missed eye contact or a miscommunication over text.

My guess is that I am not alone in carrying around this mindset like a weighted helmet, albeit extreme. It is far too easy to get tangled in every interaction, online and in person, and over analyze it to the point of no return.

A toxic game of telephone.

This post is as much a reminder to myself as it is for you. Nobody thinks about us as much as we think about ourselves. I am inclined to say humans are inherently selfish, but also have a desire and need for community.

I would like to think that those of us who care so deeply about others (and perhaps our own likability) - the empath superheroes that we are, can obtain balanced relationships with those who are patient, calm, and have just the right about of indifference toward others' opinions.

So what are the tools we can use to navigate the minefield of self-destructive what-ifs?

1. Take a deep breath. Focus on what is around you in the present moment. Move your body in some way (yoga and dancing are my go-to's). I have found that these grounding tools pull me out of my own head and bring me back to earth.

2. Gain some perspective. Will this text, call, or 30 second exchange matter in an hour, day, month, or year? Probably not. Most likely, the other person is too busy worrying about themselves or questioning if they made a mistake.

3. Call someone who lights you up and talk about things unrelated to whatever you are overthinking - this will pull you out of the situation. Bonus points if you laugh.

4. Mantras. This might be a bit whoo whoo for some of you, but I always pick a couple sentences that remind me who I am. I am capable. I am smart. I am valued. I am loved.

5. Lastly, remind yourself that life is too damn short to worry about everything that could go wrong. Trust that the people who are worth time, energy, and space in your life will stick around if & when you do mess up and embrace your flaws as a part of what makes you human.

We may be worthy and we may be badass, but make no mistake - it is not all about us! (: