Blessings in Disguise

I don’t know if I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe there is some truth to it, and maybe it is something people say to themselves during life’s hardest moments to make themselves feel better.

Although I am a skeptic of sorts, I am a firm believer in silver linings. Blessings in disguise.

Every time I think about a personal, professional, or physical setback that has knocked me down, I wholeheartedly believe that I have learned more about myself, my values, and others by picking myself up. Don’t get me wrong, if I sit with the feelings I had in the moment, the pain is almost palpable - but I am lucky enough now to say that the sense of clarity is worth it in my eyes.

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A lifelong battle with myself and my body has transformed me into my own health advocate and biggest fan.

A strained relationship with my parents has turned them into my lifeline and favorite people in the world.

Growing apart from some people and brought me closer to my soulmates.

A breakup has made me realize what I really want and deserve.

Years of isolating myself has turned me into a person who never hesitates to reach out to someone I care about…no mater how much time has passed.

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Have there been growing pains? Absolutely. Have I hurt others in the process? Yep.

BUT, I now can honestly say I now have the humility to own my mistakes, apologize to those I have taken for granted, and forgive myself for the things I said and did at my lowest.

To those you have been by my side through it all, who expressed concern, who allowed me to be a complete bitch knowing it wasn’t really me - thank you. The love I have for you really can’t be expressed in a 2 min blog post, but you know who you are.

Let this be a reminder that we can never really dig a person out from a dark place unless they are willing to grab a shovel. All we can be are supporting players.

I feel the need to clear the air a bit. I am coming from a place of immense privilege, and there are so many who do not have the luxury of “finding themselves“ or “doing the work” - phrases that make my eyes roll to the back of my head - because when you‘re worried about your next meal or getting basic needs met, who has the time and resources for that? Some circumstances are so deeply troubling and some wounds so deep, it is extremely difficult to dig one’s self out without the support that comes with some amount of privilege. To those individuals - I hold space for you. It pains me to say I have taken my level of support for granted and owe it to myself and others to call myself out.

All I can say is that I have zero answers, zero advice, and am just here to tell stories (hopefully spreading some positivity in the process).

I sure do hope that there’s light for those who are willing to look, strength for those who have had the rug pulled out from under them, and courage for those who take the veil off their demons and see them for what they truly are.

Love you lots,

Lil Bean