Being the "Nice Girl"

I have always been “the nice girl” growing up, but I think that label is often confused with being a pushover. In many ways, I did allow people to walk all over me, but as I have worked to find my inner strength, and my understanding of what it means to be nice has also changed. It is ironic that I was considered the nice girl because as my insecurities began to manifest, I could gossip and backstab without giving it a second thought. I fit right in. During this time, I trained myself to seamlessly shit talk other girls' appearances or ignore those who did not align with my warped understanding of “popularity”. This is undoubtedly the most shameful time of my life. I was a person acting out of self-hate rather than self-love and compassion. Now I try my hardest to embody the power of kindness. Every. Single. Day. Kindness, is strength. Kindness is energy. I have been trying out this new technique I learned from one of my favorite podcasts where every time I think a positive thought about someone - no matter how close I am to them - I will make a point to say it to their face. Talk about the transfer of energy! Every time I tell someone how beautiful they are (inside and out) or attempt to encapsulate how much light they bring to the world, their faces glow up instantaneously and their entire body language begins to shift. I want and need for the people around me to realize how precious they are, how much they are loved. If I leave this world tomorrow or in eighty years, I want one thing: to spread as much kindness as humanly possible. Its funny how the kinder I am to others, the kinder I am to myself. I respect my authentic self - the REAL Lilly - by helping and honoring the people who built me up from my lowest point. So, who is the “real” Lilly? Good Question. She is a daughter. She is a damn good big sister. She is nutty. She is a control freak. She is a boogie queen. She is a writer. She HATES math. She is outdoorsy. She is a loud laugher. She is a bean. She would wear overalls everyday if she could. She is a veggie-lover. She is an even bigger salmon-lover She is sensitive. She is empathetic. She is strong. She is smart. She is funny (sometimes). She is loved. She is worthy of love. She is learning to love herself. I may not love myself fully quite yet, but probably for the first time in 22 years, I recognize and appreciate the girl I see in the mirror. I genuinely do not care what other people think of me beyond my inner circle - people I love, cherish, and trust. I have never been so confident that these are my people. They love me on my worst days and my best. Perhaps this is why I feel so inclined to tell them how much they mean to me and remind them of how beautiful they are.

Again, thank you so much to the people who tore me down and the people who lifted me up. All of you have taught me so much about myself and helped me find my purpose. I love and appreciate you all. Now - lets spread the KINDNESS.